


Gratitude

by Elivra



Series: Tender Nothings [9]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Missing Scene, Reunited and It Feels So Good, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 11:52:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16117877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elivra/pseuds/Elivra
Summary: The king is dead. Long live the Queen.After Erwin's latest gamble finally pays off outside the Wall of Orvud District, it is time for everyone to rest and recuperate. But Erwin and Levi have some catching up to do first.Rated for swearing, implied violence.This story can be read individually or as ordered chronologically inTender Nothings.





	Gratitude

**Author's Note:**

> ANOTHER one, you say? Already?? Well, I had most of this written ages ago too. Just added the unexpectedly fluffy ending and tweaked some info here and there after the latest episode, which, let me tell you, _wrecked_ me.
> 
> I'm going to be out of town for a bit so I thought I'd post this before I leave and before the next episode. So, I'm posting this at my sleep-cycle's equivalent of 4 am ~~as always~~ so please forgive me if the final sentences run off a bit or if my notes aren't making sense because I NEED SLEEP GDI
> 
> Happy reading!

The king is dead. Long live the Queen.

The news about Historia Reiss spreads quickly, but the newspapermen assure them that their special editions planned for the following day will make sure her name is known in every corner of the walled kingdom, from busy Ehrmich to the remotest homestead in Krolva.

Erwin is pleased and he allows himself to show some measure of it on his face. Levi doesn't stay to dwell on it. He only makes sure that it is indeed over, that he is not needed anymore at the Wall. He officially dismisses his Squad, orders them to get some proper rest because they've earned it. Then, he approaches Erwin, who is in the midst of being congratulated by a steady stream of random people who accost him.

“Permission to return to the Reiss chapel,” Levi mutters as soon as an ecstatic merchant walks away. Erwin casts him a keen glance. “Granted. Do you need backup?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

They are interrupted by the Rheinberger girl, who tells them that everyone is now heading to Mitras, and that Pixis wants to talk to Erwin right away. Erwin thanks her for the message, and when she leaves, he continues as if there was no pause, “You're not going back alone.”

Levi grits his teeth. “Fine. I'll take someone with me.”

“Take a squad.”

“Not necessary.”

“Levi-”

“I'll see you at Mitras,” Levi cuts in and glares at him meaningfully. Erwin only pauses for a split second before giving him a terse nod. “See you,” he murmurs.

Levi leaves immediately.

*

* * *

 

The Survey Corps base in Mitras is rarely used. Only Erwin frequented it more or less regularly, but even he hasn't stayed there for at least two months now. Consequently, Levi is not surprised to see the fine coating of dust in the needlessly grand Commander's quarters. The soldiers have already begun to settle into the rest of the base, cleaning with enough precision that makes Levi glad that he has made his life in the military.

He hides the box in a secure place, and gets to cleaning the rooms. It is over before he knows it and is forced to go clean himself. He scrubs ten days of grime off his skin and feels momentarily at peace with the rightness of it.

Erwin still isn't back and he wanders to the dining hall, where he finds some of his squad, looking ill at ease amidst the carved tables and chairs. He feels a twinge of empathy for them: the poor brats are clearly unused to finery of any sort. He wonders how they'll react to the inside of the Palace. Given their importance to the new Queen, he is certain they'll get to see it sooner or later.

Mikasa gets up and fetches him a hot cup of tea, which he accepts with a thankful grunt. Surprisingly, she sits opposite him, leaving Armin with Sasha and Connie, who are excitedly speculating about dinner.

“Eren alright?” He asks after a few minutes.

Mikasa says tersely, “He'll live.”

He stares at her; Eren hadn't seemed too injured to him.

She amends her statement. “He's fine. Physically.”

That still explains nothing, and after another minute of silence, she murmurs, “He said he remembers eating him.”

He pauses mid-sip. “What?”

Her face is carefully expressionless. “Eren said he saw Uncle Gri- his father's final memories. Of him eating him.”

“That's fucking gross,” Levi blurts.

Instantly, he knows he's being a colossal piece of shit. He _knows_ that the man they are discussing was her foster parent and that his words are terribly insensitive. But to his surprise, she jerks her head in a small nod, then she freezes, as if she can't believe she reacted that way.

He finds himself wondering if bluntness runs in the family, and when he catches her looking at him, he can tell she's wondering about the same thing.

“Did you… go back?” She asks him, still careful.

He gives her one sharp nod. She is forced to ask him, “Did you-?”

“He's dead,” he says abruptly. For some reason he feels compelled to add, “From the cave-in.”

She looks down, playing listlessly with the ends of her scarf. “I see.”

Levi puts down his empty cup and hesitates. He really doesn't want to talk about this, but if anyone has a right to know, it has to be her. He knows that she is an orphan, that she only has two other orphan boys that she considers family, no one else. She _deserves_ to know.

“He said he was my uncle,” he sighs. “My mother's brother.”

She looks surprised at this admission. In return, she divulges, “My parents never spoke of any other family to me. My mother mentioned her family as dead and gone, but my father never had anything other than the persecution to say about his.”

“So it's just you and me then,” Levi states for both of them.

“Looks like it,” she agrees softly.

“Good,” he mutters.

She cocks her head sideways, a silent question. He explains, his voice tinged with bitterness, “It seems we've all had shitty, thankless lives. Better that there aren't others like us.”

He watches her process his words. “I suppose so,” she murmurs, gripping her scarf tightly.

He senses someone approach them, and Armin’s quiet voice sounds behind him, “Captain, Mikasa. Dinner's ready.”

Mikasa stands up immediately. “I'll get a tray for Eren.”

“Why don't you eat first?” Armin suggests anxiously. “Eren's still asleep anyway.”

“It's okay-”

“Oi.” Levi growls. The brats turn to him and he stands up too, glaring. “Get something to eat first.” When Mikasa looks mutinous, he adds, “That's an order.”

“What about you, Captain?” She asks him, drawling out his title like it is a dare.

He doesn't want to, he's not even remotely hungry, but he calls her bluff. “What do you think I'm here for? Let's eat.”

Reluctantly, she follows him, while the Arlert kid throws him a grateful look. _Fucking brats_ , Levi thinks moodily, getting himself an empty plate.

*

* * *

 

The HQ is silent. The brats have gone to bed, so have the other Corps members who have been pouring in through the day. A large number of them had gone into hiding when the Survey Corps had been disbanded. Now, at the news of their miraculous reinstatement, several soldiers have elected to come all the way to Mitras. More are expected to arrive in the following days.

There is a small informal celebration, with ale passed around freely and cheerful chatter pervading the halls. It breaks up quickly though; most of those present participated in the operation in Orvud in the morning and so are tired. There is also the conspicuous absence of their Commander, which is pretty much the only reason why Levi doesn't stay for the festivities. He cleans and dusts and rearranges the Commander's rooms twice more, and waits.

For a while, Levi only hears the sounds of the crickets outside as he flips through a book aimlessly. Finally, when he is contemplating going to bed, he hears the hoofbeats of a horse. Sleep is forgotten, and he jumps into activity.

When Erwin trudges into his rooms, Levi is waiting for him, arms crossed over his chest, a characteristic scowl on his face. Erwin simply smiles. “Levi.”

“What the fuck took you so long.”

“The others, the… leaders, wanted to celebrate.” Erwin unpins his empty sleeve and shrugs off his jacket. “They were insistent that I stay.”

“Fuckers,” Levi hisses.

Erwin smiles again and shakes his head. “They had ample reason to celebrate.” He hangs up his jacket, and properly looks around. “You cleaned.”

“Of course.” Levi steps forward, and without being asked, helps unbuckle the belts of Erwin's harness.

“How's your squad?”

“Settling in.”

“Good, good,” Erwin sighs. “You shouldn't have waited.”

“And let you sleep with your belts on?” Levi pointedly unclasps the last buckle on the back of Erwin's leg, and all the belts drop away.

Erwin smiles tiredly. “Thank you, Levi. For-”

Levi rolls his eyes. “Take your clothes off.”

Erwin freezes. “What?”

Levi looks at him steadily. “I've drawn you a bath. When was the last time you had one?”

Erwin recovers. “I… I don't remember.”

“Tch.”

They move silently; Erwin to the adjoining closet of a room where his bath awaits, and Levi to the fancy shelves where he arranges Erwin’s gear and belts neatly. When he is done, he almost leaves for the kitchens, when a slight sound from the bathroom stops him.

Nakedness is never an issue in the Survey Corps, what with cramped barracks and less than ideal situations on expeditions, so it is not surprising that Erwin has left the door open. Levi halts in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest again, and asks him, “Everything alright?”

Erwin grimaces but does not look at him, his hand grips his scrub brush tighter. “I… yes.” His face is in profile, and Levi can easily see the harshness of his sharp cheekbones, the rigidity of his posture.

Levi walks slowly down to the back of the tub and pauses there. Erwin is frozen still.

“What,” Levi mutters, his voice admirably calm, “did they do to you?”

Erwin doesn't turn around. “Nothing I couldn't handle.”

For a moment, Levi is speechless, a multitude of emotions simmering within him. Then he jerks forward, grabs a wet sponge from the tray next to the tub and kneels down.

“You must consider yourself quite the hero,” Levi says, squeezing suds onto Erwin’s left shoulder before gently scrubbing it. Erwin freezes again for a split-second, and then leans forward a little, giving Levi a full view of his back.

“I don't know what you mean,” Erwin says slowly, scrubbing himself with his brush again.

“Some of these have started to heal,” Levi points out. The sponge touches the first of the welts and a reflexive shudder passes through Erwin’s muscles. “Older ones beneath the others.”

“It's fine.”

Levi pauses. “No.” It takes every ounce of strength he has to continue cleaning Erwin’s back as gently as possible. “It is _not_ fine. It is not fucking fine at all.”

“Levi…”

Levi’s voice has started to shake -all of his focus is on keeping his hands steady. “For once, for _once_ in your goddamn life, Erwin, admit it.”

“Admit what?”

“That it hurts.”

Erwin breathes out a chuckle. “I'm not sure I'm ready for that.”

“When, then? After one more round with the cane? Two more?”

Erwin stops scrubbing again, turns to catch a glimpse of Levi's face. “You know this is nothing compared to-”

“This isn't a fucking competition.” Levi growls. A sudden quiver passes through his hand and he grits his teeth.

“That's not what I meant.” Erwin braces his hand against the tub and twists around. “You know that's not-”

“Turn the fuck around. I'm not done yet.”

Erwin gazes anxiously at him, his blue eyes sunken, his chapped lips apart as if he is searching for words.

“Turn around,” Levi prompts him again.

Erwin’s eyebrows furrow. “You don't have to-”

“Don't make me drown you in this piss-poor tub.”

Erwin’s shoulders slump and he turns around once more. Levi sets about cleaning his wounds immediately.

“I think you're being unfair,” Erwin murmurs. “This tub is of the highest quality.”

Mirth rises unexpectedly in Levi's chest, and he drops the sponge, suddenly weak, so, _so_ weak. _He_ _can't do this. He can't fucking do this._ Erwin stops scrubbing, too. “Levi?”

His hands move of their own volition and place themselves on Erwin’s wet shoulders, where his muscles are stiff and unyielding. Levi is suddenly too weak to sit up on his own, too breathless to even think straight, and he leans forward until his forehead is pressed against Erwin’s damp hair.

“I was scared,” he confesses almost shamefully, his hands clenching on Erwin's skin. Erwin drops his brush and reaches back to grab Levi's wrist.

“Me too,” he admits softly.

“For yourself, I hope.”

He feels the sigh roll down his shoulders. “Not as much as you'd like, I'm afraid.”

Levi snorts; his voice is still shaky. “Stupid old man. What were you scared for, then?”

“A lot of things.” His hand grips his wrist tighter. “You.”

“...I'm fine.”

“...I'm glad.”

They remain like that for a long moment, until Levi judges himself stable enough to pretend to be normal. He does manage to drawl almost normally, “Your hair stinks.”

He can physically feel the muscles in Erwin’s back relax as he lets go of his hand. “They ran out of shampoo in the prison.”

Levi leans back. “Such shitty service.”

Erwin chuckles and Levi doesn't want to move his hands away. He does, though, and he tends to Erwin's back with renewed vigour. Somehow, it feels easier to breathe now.

“How did it go at the chapel?” Erwin asks after a few minutes.

Levi is focused on the bruises, and it comes out easier than expected. “He's dead. Kenny Ackerman is dead.”

Erwin tilts his head to the side, his question obvious.

“He was my mother's brother.” Levi answers him.

“I see.” Erwin puts away the brush and grabs a bar of soap. “I'm sorry.”

“Don't be. He had it coming.”

“It must have been difficult, having to fight him.”

Levi wets the sponge again. “Not really.”

He can hear the smile in his voice. “Now who's being a hero.”

Levi tuts. “He gave me something. Gave _us_ something.” Haltingly, he explains about the serum.

Erwin has forgotten to clean himself, his hand is gripping the bar of soap so tightly his nails are digging into it. “That… that is a precious gift, indeed.”

Levi nods jerkily, even though he can't see him. “Didn't think he had it in him.”

Erwin’s response is unexpected. “He must have cared for you.”

Levi snorts. “He tried to blow my brains out. Multiple times.”

“Even so.”

A sudden lump finds itself in Levi's throat and he swallows it with a struggle. “It wasn't enough,” he rasps. “It doesn't make up for all the shit that he-”

“Even so, Levi.” Erwin rubs the soap on one knee absently. “To whatever extent, he cared for you, and that, for me, is a point in his favour.”

“And what about all the points not in his favour?”

“They certainly outnumber this one, but do not negate it.”

Levi clears his throat. “Whatever. He's dead now. Lift your arm.” Erwin obeys and Levi scrubs his left side, armpit to waist, suddenly too overwhelmed for words. The ridges of Erwin’s ribs are showing through his skin, and the sight of that, along with the heavy words, has left him speechless.

They talk very little after that. Levi puts aside the sponge, washes away the suds with pitcher fulls of rapidly cooling water. Then, unbidden, he lathers shampoo onto Erwin's murky hair, feeling the same sort of grim satisfaction he gets when he cleans grease off of stone, resolutely ignoring the feeling of Erwin's thick, silky hair between his fingers.

Erwin lets him do all this without a single word of protest as he is normally wont to do. It is only when he leans his head back into Levi's hands with a soft sigh that Levi realises how tired he really is.

“Erwin.” He only gets a grunt in response. “Don't pass out on me.”

“It is tempting, I'll admit.”

“No. Did you eat anything?”

“There was some dinner offered at the celebration…”

“Did _you_ eat?”

“...A little.”

_Fucking idiot._

Levi tuts again, and pours water from the pitcher on Erwin's head abruptly, making him splutter. He does it once more -to wash away the remnants of shampoo, of _course_ , not from any lingering pettiness.

“I'm getting you food from the kitchens,” he says, rising to his feet. “Do you need help with anything else?”

Erwin looks up at him, and his petulant blue gaze paired with his wet, bedraggled face causes a flare of affection to spread through Levi's chest. “No. You don't have to-”

“You'd better be out and dry and _awake_ when I come back.” Levi cuts in briskly, wiping his hands on one of the towels by the door.

“You are terribly mean to me.” This time, the petulance is in his voice, too, and Levi smirks.

“Someone has to be. Chop chop, old man.”

The soup takes longer than he thought to heat up, so he hurries back to the Commander's rooms. He is pleasantly surprised to find Erwin still awake, dressed in loose pants and slowly shaking loose a folded shirt. The good mood disappears again when he sees his dry back and the stump of his right arm in stark detail in the brightness of the room.

Levi strides forward, slams the tray down on the tea table, and yanks the shirt away from Erwin's hand.

“What…?”

“Your wounds need dressing.”

“That bad?” Erwin's tone is mild, and Levi struggles to match it.

“A couple of them more than the others.”

Erwin sighs. “Well, then. If you must.”

They are silent again: Erwin sits on an ottoman while he eats, and Levi bandages two of the deepest cuts and applies a salve on the others. He leaves the stump for last, keenly aware as he winds the bandage that Erwin hasn't flinched once through the entire ordeal. Some emotion is swelling in his chest again, and Levi feels like screaming until nothing is left of it.

Erwin finishes eating shortly after he puts away the medical supplies, and smiles at Levi. The feeling in his chest grows heavier, he can't remember the last time Erwin smiled like that.

“Thank you, Levi,” he says, getting up. “You really didn't have to-”

“You should draw a hot bath in the morning, too,” Levi interrupts. “Your back will be stiff and you need to be able to bow to the new Queen, after all-”

Erwin takes his hand in his and Levi stops talking abruptly.

“Please let me thank you, Levi.”

“Why?” Levi demands.

“Because I am grateful.” Erwin states, as if it is the most obvious thing in the world.

“Bullshit,” Levi rasps, his tone far harsher than he intended.

“I don't know what I'd do without you,” Erwin says, as if it is his turn now for shameful confessions.

Levi swallows hard and wills himself to look into those blue, blue eyes. “You and I both know you'd be dead without me.”

Erwin’s expression softens and the widest smile yet graces his features. Levi almost averts his eyes: it is like staring into the sun.

“You are right, of course.”

Levi grunts, at a loss, really, to say anything else. When the silence stretches on and Erwin still hasn't let go of his hand, he asks, “Do you need anything else?”

“I…” Erwin hesitates, and Levi can't bear the suspense.

“Spit it out, old man.”

Still, Erwin hesitates. This is new, this uncertain side of him. Levi has seen him doubt himself innumerable times before, but this is something else. The look on his face is almost… _fragile_.

“Would you… mind terribly if I asked you to stay?”

Oh, _fuck_ , his heart feels like it's going to burst.

“Are you asking?”

Erwin swallows, then nods. “Yes.” Then -”I apologise for the imposition, but I -I don't think I can sleep if I'm alone tonight-”

“Alright,” Levi cuts in, because he can't take it anymore, he can't have Erwin, his fucking _Commander,_ look at him like that anymore.

Erwin blinks rapidly and his mouth drops open. “Really?”

His tone is gruffer than usual. “ _Yes_ , really, Erwin, fuck. C’mon.”

Once again, he has to turn away before Erwin can translate the gratitude of his smile into words.

*

* * *

 

Levi jolts awake and glances about quickly, taking in the unfamiliar room around him, focusing finally on the grey-tinged sky he can see through a gap in the window curtains. It is dawn, and Levi realises he has officially slept longer than he has in _months_.

His focus immediately shifts to the man sleeping next to him. Erwin hasn't stirred, his breaths are deep and even, and he can just barely see his chest move with each one in the dark.

Levi can't remember the last time he shared a bed with someone. Probably in the Underground, before he had begun to steal his way to comfort, and was forced to share threadbare blankets with disgusting strangers -no, that didn't count. He never had a bed in those days. He thinks instead of the many expeditions he's been on, the many times he had to huddle his sleeping bag with those of his comrades for warmth -but no, that didn't count, either, for sleeping bags couldn't compare to the comfort of a _bed_.

And Levi realises he's never shared a bed with anyone before.

His vision has adjusted to the darkness, and Erwin's face is more clear to him -now he can see only a trace of the crow's feet near his eyes, he can see the slight parting of his lips from where he has drooled onto the collar of his shirt, like a fucking _child_ …

But then he also notices that one of his eyes is swollen, that there is a cut on his lip, on his nose. Levi's hands clench into fists automatically. The second time in weeks that Erwin has had a near escape from death, and Levi wasn't around again, he wasn't there, _he wasn't there with him_ , and he feels like such an _idiot_ because Erwin is far from unscathed, and if only he had stayed with him-

Erwin sucks in a deep, wet breath and squirms in his sleep -and Levi notices only then that Erwin has his arm around his torso.

They had started off with a gap in between them; Levi distinctly remembers Erwin giving him a sleepy smile and a “good night” while they faced each other, still not touching. The last thing Levi remembers is a vague feeling of increased warmth as he drifted off to sleep. And here he is now, within Erwin's grasp, his arms braced against Erwin's chest, his legs tangled with Erwin's legs under the heavy blanket.

At any other time, with anyone else, Levi would have pushed away, widened the gap, left the bed, the room. But Erwin huffs a loud, deep breath and tightens his hold, pulling him closer. Still fast asleep, his face still unlined, his brows still unfurrowed.

How could Levi leave him now, when he has never felt such peace in his entire life?

How could Levi wake him now, when he has never seen him look so fucking _peaceful_?

The sky lightens outside the windows, but Levi stays, unmoving. He doesn't sleep again, he doesn't really expect to. Instead, he maps Erwin's face, memorising every ridge and plane, every pore and wrinkle, every single eyelash, until he is certain he can never forget it -because when will he get this chance again?

Suddenly, Erwin's gratitude makes perfect sense to him, and he finally gives him his response.

“It's nothing,” he whispers, and falls asleep after all.

  


**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I feel like Erwin's always got this grateful feeling towards Levi because of how much of a support he has become for him over the years. I don't mean this strictly in a give-and-take form, because that would imply indebtedness, which implies that their relationship is unequal. And if there's one thing in canon that we've always been assured of, it's that Erwin and Levi always consider themselves as _equals_.
> 
> Idk if my meta is making sense right now tbh, because everything feels surreal and I NEED SLEEP GDI
> 
> Anyways, I hope Levi's feelings aren't too difficult to fathom, though? And I hope no one is OOC.
> 
> As always, let me know what you think, and thanks for reading!


End file.
